o9) You only live once

Call it a divine realization.
Sitting outside, the sunlight beating down on me as it slowly sets, I realized, like some people do, that you do only live once.  There is only one life.  What else are we primping for?  Waiting for?

I'm tired of living like I'm expecting judgment.  Like every day, I'm waiting for something to happen, and I'm not sure what.  Why is it wrong to starve yourself?  Why is wrong to be hungry?  Why is it wrong to smoke?

Yeah, it all will kill you.  But that's the outcome anyway.

I've tasted life, and I'm not exactly craving more.  I want to do the things again that I loved.  The things that made me feel alive.  I want the things I want, and I'm tired of fear.

I'm sick of always waiting for something to happen.

I don't know what I'm going to do from here.  I've had dreams for a while, and no way to make them real.  No way to touch on the fantasy world in my head.  I'll never be anything successful.  I'll never be anything amazing.  I've realized that in these past few years.  All these high hopes and ambitions are never going to go come to fruition.

So why not make it count?

I'm not sure how.  I'm not sure why.  I'm not sure what happens from here.

But I only live once.

And maybe it'll be forever.  And maybe I'll die tomorrow.

But I'm tired of feeling like shit.  And I'm tired of craving.

It's time to breathe again.