Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.
I'm going through my old blog. Looking at all the followers. So ANGRY that I have to give that up and start from scratch.
I'm never showing ANYONE in real life this thing again.
Boy is trying to take my dog. He claims "it's his dog too", but that's bullshit. I absorbed the vet costs. I did everything else. Now he wants to visit with us tomorrow, and I don't think I can do it, even though I already promised.
Fuck.
I am so sick of all of this.
So fucking SICK.
I'm shaking.
Yesterday, I went from 141.2 down to 140.2. Then I smoked a bowl and I binged when I was super stressed, and now I'm back to 141.2, and I know my period is close, and that's why my weight isn't moving, but I know it's also because i'm eating, and this whole recovery thing is completely shot to shit and I can't make it better. My wall is now coated with thinspo and my mirror and white boards are all just fucked to hell with quotes and pictures and it's just...it's just terrible, but wonderful, and I think I'm going to be sick.
I hate this.
I hate him.
I fucking HATE him.
Why can't he just disappear?
WHY?
So much bullshit.
So much absolute bullshit.
FUCK.
Lol, with the calories I've been eating lately I hope to GOD it's not malnutrition! It comes and goes. Usually when I reach the point where I'd KILL for 2 hours a night the cycle flips into reverse and I'm depressed and mopey and unable to get out of bed. So going to put edamame on my shopping list, though. I'd drink human milk if it's put me to sleep!
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell as happened?? Do you need a lynch mob? WHY IS THAT FUCKER TRYING TO TAKE YOUR DOG?? WHATS GOING ON???
I'm scared. Hold me?
<3
P.S.
ReplyDeleteThe question on my mind all night - Why the FUCK are you letting this person drive you back into hell, Pretty One??
(Lack of sleep is making me cranky, sorry if that came out wrong >.<)
xoxoxo
To kick things off, you have an award.
ReplyDeleteMuahahahahaaaa!
<3